Brush Strokes Read online

  “Todd?”

  Looking up, he finds Daniel frowning at him and it takes a second before he realizes that he zoned out.

  “Sorry,” he says, holding back a grimace. Evan has told him a billion times that he’s too easy to read.

  “Are you okay?” Daniel asks, still frowning.

  “Yeah.” Todd shrugs and nods at the same time. “I just got caught up in the terrifying idea of adulthood.”

  At that, Daniel laughs. “Don’t worry about it now. Worry about it next year.” He scrutinizes Todd. “Do you want me to get you a glass of water or anything to eat?”

  “I’m not drunk,” Todd says and immediately realizes that that’s exactly what a really drunk person would say right before they tripped over their own feet. “I mean it. I’ve had, what, four beers including this one since I came to that house hours ago. I’m not that much of a lightweight. I just have a terrible tendency to zone out when I get caught up in stuff.”

  Daniel smiles then. It’s not a grin. Not a smirk. He’s smiling.

  “All right. You have me convinced.”

  “So, how are you feeling about school starting next week?”

  “Come again?”

  Todd repeats the question, leaning closer.

  “Unlike you, I’m actually starting my last year, so I have to deal with all the anxiety of applying to law school and doing the tests.” Daniel shrugs as if it’s no big deal, but there’s a crease between his eyebrows that tells Todd something different.

  “Where do you wanna go?”

  “For law? I’m hoping for Harvard.”

  “Really?” Todd knows nothing about law schools, but he knows about Harvard. Everyone knows about Harvard. “Don’t you need really amazing grades and to ace that test? I’ve watched Suits.”

  He adds the last sentence just because he might be completely wrong.

  “Yeah,” Daniel says. “That’s why I eat, swim, study, work on a project I have with a couple of friends, and sleep. Rinse. Repeat.”

  “You also hang out at this place quite frequently, according to a very reliable statement made by yourself.”

  Daniel smiles again. “I do, when I can. I need a break from all the studying for the LSAT.”

  “LSAT, that’s the test, right?”

  “Right.” Daniel nods.

  “You’ll get the score,” Todd tells him, full of confidence suddenly.

  Daniel’s smile falters, then comes back in full force. “How’d you know? I might’ve been lying to you all this time. I might not be attending Columbia or even on the swim team.”

  “In that case you’ve gone to a whole lot of trouble to keep that charade up.” Todd points toward the guys wearing the jackets with Columbia’s crest.

  “I don’t even know them. I found them at the house and tagged along.”

  Todd snorts. “You’re too Ivy League for me to buy this. I’m sorry.”

  “It was worth a shot.” Daniel grins, clearly not too disappointed in not selling his lie. He pulls his hand from Todd’s thigh—definitely thigh now—to grab his drink. He misses it, wants it back.

  “Are you the team captain too?” Todd asks, because he has to.

  “No,” Daniel says, as he puts his beer down. “That would be Jesse.”

  “Wow, turns out I didn’t have you all figured out.”

  Daniel snorts out a laugh. “Glad to hear that I’m not that much of a cliché.”

  Smiling to himself, Todd takes a swig from his beer and looks across the table in time to catch Mela winking at him. He rolls his eyes at her, because anything else would definitely make him look stupid.

  His mood ebbs when he looks around the bar and notices that the crowd is thinning out. A quick check of the watch on Daniel’s wrist tells him that it’s been a couple of hours already. When does this place close? He’s not ready to say goodbye yet.

  “Don’t worry,” Daniel says, his voice easy and warm. “We still have a couple of hours.”

  Mind reader.

  “That obvious, huh?” Todd asks.

  “Took a guess based on my own thoughts.”

  Meaning Daniel doesn’t want this to end either, right?

  Todd half-expects to have a mini freak out. Instead, it’s as though someone has poured hot liquid into his belly.

  “Just admit it,” he says, trying to divert his own attention. “You’re a mind reader.”

  “All right.” Daniel holds his hands up. “I admit it.”

  “See, I told you I have you all figured out.”

  Daniel’s hand returns to his thigh then, and Todd doesn’t need to reach for his beer this time. He puts his hand over Daniel’s.

  The tiny twinge of nervousness is instantly chased away when Daniel smiles at him again. Todd can’t stop himself from smiling back.

  The following few hours pass so fast that, before Todd knows it, they’re asked to leave because the place is closing. He can’t believe he’s had a better night in a sports bar than watching his favorite band. Worried that Daniel will just simply disappear, he trails after the group, even though Mela is still putting something in her purse.

  To his relief, Daniel is waiting for him by the curb, slightly separated from his friends.

  Unsure if he has full control over his feet, Todd walks over to him and forces himself not to shove his hands into his pockets.

  “Do you need to leave?” Daniel looks a lot less self-assured than he did five minutes ago. Todd’s stomach swoops the way it does when he’s standing on a ladder, and he doesn’t even consult with Mela before he shakes his head. He’ll take a cab by himself if he has to.

  “No, do you?”

  “They’re going to go back to the house. We could tag along.” Daniel’s eyes are bright, and Todd thinks he looks hopeful.

  “That sounds great. I’ll just talk to Mela.”

  He gets a very familiar elbow in the ribs for that. “We’re going there too,” Mela says and she sidles up next to him. “I’m not even close to tired.”

  Normally, Todd would be exhausted and way ready for bed at this time, but it’s as if he’s got a spare battery charging him.

  “Hungry?” Daniel asks, and Todd thinks that maybe he can get used to the way Daniel’s intense focus is on him and no one else, as if they’re the only ones around.

  “Maybe a little?” Todd doesn’t want to check, because he hasn’t had dinner and he’s usually starving if he doesn’t eat every four hours. He really doesn’t want this night to be ruined because he can’t focus on anything other than his growing black hole of a stomach.

  “I’ll get something on the way back,” Daniel says, smiling. “I’ll meet you there.”

  Todd watches him get into a car with a few of the guys in Columbia jackets and climbs into the one Jesse pushes him toward. He barely pays attention during the ride; his head is somehow so loudly empty now that Daniel isn’t around. His brain is getting ready to take off, crouching in its mental starting-blocks, when a familiar hand squeezes his. Mela doesn’t say anything, but Todd knows what it means. Don’t overthink this.

  Taking a breath, he watches the city pass, and dares to revel in the fact that he’s going to spend more time around Daniel, that it’s ridiculously late, borderline early, and his night still isn’t over. Unable to stop the smile from spreading, he squeezes Mela’s hand back. He’s okay.

  The house is a lot less crowded, and the music isn’t as loud, but there are still people around, when Todd climbs the stairs behind Jesse and Mela.

  “I’m going to have to help Jordan clean up tomorrow,” Jesse sighs, just barely audible over the music.

  Glancing around, Todd can see why, because there are plastic cups and empty bottles everywhere. He doesn’t want to know what the rest of the house looks like.

  “Todd, how do you feel about me
beating you at pool?” Jesse asks suddenly, as they walk back into the same room where they spent most of the night. It’s close to empty now.

  “It sounds like something my ego doesn’t need right now,” Todd answers truthfully, but he also doesn’t have anything else to do until Daniel comes back. “But apparently I have no self-respect so I’m going to say yes anyway.”

  “You don’t even know the rules!” Mela protests, but she’s laughing, and Todd suspects that she’s secretly pleased that he’s making an effort for the guy she’s into.

  “How difficult can it be?” he asks, rolling his eyes as he reaches for the stick Jesse offers him. “So how do I hold the stick?”

  Jesse is painfully patient for someone who’s had a lot to drink, and teaches Todd the basics of the game, like how to break and how to hold the stick. Apparently, it’s called a cue, and Todd is definitely not an undiscovered pool talent, that’s for sure.

  He’s less horrible by the time Jesse stops and nods toward the door. Glancing over his shoulder, Todd doesn’t know what he expected to see, but it wasn’t Daniel with two paper bags in his hands. He jerks his head and that probably means that he wants Todd to leave the room with him.

  “I guess this means I lost?” Todd offers Jesse, as he gives the cue to Mela.

  Laughing, Jesse shakes his head. “This means you lost?”

  “I’ll come grab you before I leave,” Mela tells him. “Do something reckless. You need it.”

  Todd really hopes that Daniel didn’t catch that, because to someone else that probably didn’t sound like the dare to have fun Mela meant.

  That swooping sensation in his stomach is back as he approaches Daniel, who doesn’t look as patient as he did a moment ago.

  “Come on; we’ll get some air and eat.” He nods toward an open door farther down the hallway. Todd is pretty sure that it was locked before, because he tried it when he was on the hunt for a bathroom, but now it leads to a bright bedroom with two large glass doors. The balcony on the other side has a beautiful cast iron rail that’s probably been there since the house was built. It’s something, all right.

  “Are we allowed to be here?” he asks, just to make sure. When there’s no answer, he looks away from the rail and finds Daniel looking at his phone. Todd nudges him with his elbow and smiles a little when Daniel looks up at him. “Are we allowed to be here?” he asks again.

  “As long as you’re not thinking about destroying anything on purpose,” Daniel says with a smirk. It fades into a smile, almost shy-looking, as he holds up the paper bags. “It’s easier to talk when there aren’t as many people around. It makes it difficult for me to focus, and I’m already really tired.”

  If the intense attention Daniel has been giving him all night is him having difficulty to focus, Todd isn’t sure if he’s ready for this.

  As soon as he follows Daniel through the balcony doors, he decides that he definitely isn’t ready for this. There’s a dark gray blanket on the balcony floor, along with a few throw pillows in different shades of dull green, and the soft glow of the outdoor string lights makes the pale, early morning light seem almost magical.

  “I just wanted to get some time alone, if that’s okay?” Daniel asks, as if he’s taken in all of Todd’s big-eyed reaction.

  Blinking, Todd stares at him before he remembers his words. “Yeah, yes, that’s okay.”

  He’s known Daniel for less than twelve hours but sitting on a blanket on a balcony with him and carefully placing the food containers between them, is somehow exactly where he wants to be right now, where they should be.

  Todd eats sweet potato fries and looks out at the morning fog over the lawn. It’s small but a luxury in the middle of Manhattan. Right now, it’s almost as if they’re in a different world. Out here, everything is so quiet.

  “Tell me more about art.”

  Looking away from the lone apple tree, Todd finds Daniel’s eyes on him. He looks content, relaxed against the bars of the rail, with his legs folded, and he’s holding a half-eaten burger.

  It’s such an open request. Not: tell me why you like art, or why did you decide on art school?

  “Um.” Todd wipes his fingers on his jeans and chews his lip as he tries to sort out his thoughts. “It’s such a powerful thing, you know? For messages and statements and exploring the world somehow. Telling the world. Whenever I think I’ve seen it all, there’s something new that blows my mind. A combination of colors, or techniques, or just something that really hit home that day.”

  “Sorry, I didn’t catch the last part?” Daniel frowns, leaning closer across the array of containers. He’s got salt on his lips.

  “Um,” Todd says, trying to remember the last thing he said. “There’s always something new? With colors or techniques.”

  “Techniques?” Daniel asks and, when Todd nods, he gestures for him to go on.

  “Right now I’m very into art from around the Mexican Revolution, and especially José Clemente Orozco—”

  Daniel interrupts, “Is that the name of an artist?”

  “Yes, he’s very political. It’s all so political? And also a way of making sure history is kept alive. I think art has in many ways been the only way to take a stand sometimes. When something is forbidden, it’s like there’s even more attention drawn to it, and it’s just so amazing how you can create something that makes other people feel. It doesn’t always work the way you intended it to, but it’s kind of incredible, isn’t it?”

  His cheeks heats as he clamps his mouth shut, realizing that he’s probably said a bit more than Daniel intended.

  “I guess I’ve never seen it that way,” Daniel says but he sounds thoughtful. “Anything that can evoke something in people is powerful.”

  “Tell me about swimming,” Todd says, because he doesn’t understand it at all. But right now, with Daniel in front of him, he wants to.

  “Well, I guess that’s the one place where I don’t have to constantly compensate. Where it’s effortless. Something that comes natural to me, unlike most things.”

  It’s not at all the answer Todd expected and it doesn’t make all that much sense to him, but Daniel is so open in front of him, stripped down, somehow, and Todd doesn’t want to ruin that with questions.

  “I’m hard of hearing,” Daniel says, as though he’s heard Todd’s thoughts. He pauses, eyeing Todd’s face with care as if he’s searching for something. “So I have to compensate a lot on a daily basis.”

  For a second, Todd can’t find his words. It usually happens when he’s angry or hurt, but right now, he’s more worried about causing the hurt.

  “Um,” he ventures. “Is there anything I can do to make it easier?”

  The corner of Daniel’s mouth tugs up, just barely, but definitely. “Repeat anything you just said without question if I ask you to. Don’t turn your face away from me when you’re speaking.”

  “I can do that.” Todd nods to himself, jotting down mental notes of Daniel’s requests. His head is spinning, but the lack of sleep and spending a night drinking has made it difficult for him to sort his thoughts. “Do you sign?”

  Daniel nods and looks away. Now, when Todd knows to look for them, he can notice Daniel’s hearing aids only partially hidden by his hair. He can’t believe he didn’t notice them before, but maybe that’s thanks to the alcohol. “In English, meaning I sign the way I’d speak. English is my first language, so the grammar and syntax of ASL doesn’t come natural to me, but I’m working on it. It takes a lot for me to read lips and it drains my energy, and, sometimes, like with you, I don’t have a choice, but I’m willing to make the effort anyway.”

  Todd’s face heats up, and he has to bite his lip to hold back a smile. He can’t be that successful, because Daniel smirks.

  “I appreciate that,” Todd says. “Since I can’t sign yet.”

  He watches as Daniel c
loses his eyes briefly, and, when he opens them again, something raw in his gaze makes Todd’s chest clench. They just look at each other, and Todd’s brain isn’t working, but that’s okay.

  “Tell me about palm tree shirts,” Daniel says, sliding a foot over to nudge Todd’s with his own, and, though the moment has passed, Todd doesn’t think it’s gone.

  The sun is rising when Mela knocks on the glass door, and Todd isn’t sure if it’s been five minutes or maybe another two hours. He does know that all the food is gone and that he’d do anything to stay in this moment.

  “Ready to go?” She looks tired in that good, happily exhausted way a person does after a great night out with people you really enjoy.

  He isn’t, but he nods anyway, because he should. Daniel follows him in silence down the stairs and stops at the curb while they wait for a cab.

  “Can I see you again?” Daniel asks.

  “Yeah, I’d like that a lot.” Todd immediately steps closer when Daniel reaches for his hand. “I’ve had a really great time, despite my doubts.”

  Daniel smiles. “I’m glad. I’ve had a really great time as well.”

  They look up when a cab slows in front of them. Time is running out.

  “That’s your ride.” Daniel squeezes his fingers. “Can I kiss you goodnight?”

  Nodding, Todd licks his lips; his pulse picks up as Daniel closes the remaining distance between them. Todd closes his eyes when Daniel cups his cheek and has enough brain capacity left to put his hands on Daniel’s waist.

  Daniel’s lips are warm against his and taste faintly of beer and salt from the fries. At first, it’s just a brief brushing of lips, but when he feels Daniel start to pull away, Todd can’t help but chase after him. If this is the only chance he gets, he’s going to make it worth remembering.

  He sinks into the kiss when Daniel’s hand slides to his neck and is fingertips dig into his skin slightly. Todd can’t do anything but hold onto the fabric of Daniel’s shirt and kiss him back, until a car honks.